Fat Girl Stuck Inside a Small Body

I know we've all heard that phrase, "I'm just a skinny girl trapped inside this fat body"... well, I feel like I'm more the other way around. I've never been all that overweight, though "chubby" or "chunky" has fit at times through my life. My heaviest while pregnant was 160lbs, and heaviest non-pregnant was near 150.

Now before you trash me for that, realize that I'm only 5'1" and so the weight has no place on me to "spread out" and look right. And for the ones out there who are short- don't slam me yet either. I know... I have never been big enough to TRULY say I understand what it's really like to be obese.

But that doesn't mean I don't struggle all the same, with the weight and fitness battle. It doesn't mean I am clueless or that I have it easy. I have to stay vigilant just the same, or I really COULD be an obesity statistic, too. I just think I've been VAIN enough to freak out when my clothes are hitting the Women's sizes- and I just have to make that change to stop that train. It's all about just where our limits are, too- and what you truly find acceptable.

It's also different for me when not too many people in my family is obese. It must be that much more acceptable to be overweight when the whole family is that way- and no one eats healthy foods. I struggle enough with a family who LOVES eating buffets!! But I am thankful that at least our family gatherings are around reasonably healthy foods.

Anyway- my point is... I might be 10 lbs or so from my personal goal weight. I might be within the acceptable range on the charts and actually OKAY if I don't lose any more. But yet I'm STILL struggling every day with the right food choices. And mostly- with the right food PORTION sizes.

Over the years, I've learned to eat cleaner- but I still overeat portions. I have to read online articles and see charts often- to remind myself about proper portion sizes. It's not something I can do once- and then have it stick. I have to remind myself all the time. It's really easy to grow accustomed to the restaurants' oversized entrees and to start thinking of those as "normal size".

I still crave the baked goods. I still want the candy, chocolate & ice cream. I love burgers and fries. Still... even after years of fitness. I love comfort foods even though I know in my HEAD that the numbers are over the top on the calorie charts. So what I have to do- is limit my portion sizes. Or work out more- to at least balance out and maintain, even if I might not make a dent in losing anything that day/week.

That said, I still love my sedentary hobbies, too. Crocheting, cross-stitching, writing/blogging, reading, etc- all require sitting still on a chair. Not a lot of calorie burn there, moving just my hands!!! But at least using my hands for yarn crafts- it keeps me from snacking. So anyway- that makes it even more important that I get some form of workout in each day- because my life is pretty sedentary otherwise. Even at work- I'm sitting in a classroom or office most of the time. Not like it used to be when I was working as a paramedic or ER nurse and moving around a lot! So while some people think I'm working out a lot- just 30-60 minutes a day is not much when the rest of the day is sedentary. It's only enough to maintain when I eat a lot. I really do need to adopt a more active lifestyle overall.

I have to stay aware. I have to BE aware. It helps to track my foods, even if I don't actually track every little protein gram and stuff- just writing down WHAT I eat helps me to be aware. No more mindless eating!! Food is fuel- for nutrition, and for feeding the body. I have to stop using it as a fill-in for boredom, or for comforting stressors, or for rewards. Food is Fuel. Eat only when I need fuel (feeling hungry) and not because I'm bored. Food is Fuel. Not because it just LOOKS good. Not because I'm actually thirsty (drink some water FIRST- then decide if you're actually hungry). Food is Fuel, not an activity. But how many social gatherings are centered around a meal or some food?

I might not LOOK overweight anymore- but my mind still runs like a fat girl. I still crave. I still get the "don't wanna's" for working out. I can still be quite sedentary with the Cheetos, if I don't watch myself. Getting fit really does require a lot of thought and planning. It requires being aware and it requires taking action. Getting fat means letting it all go- and ignoring the facts. Not paying attention to what you are doing (or not doing). Getting unhealthy means not caring anymore. So in that way, I DO understand. I do know what it's like, as I'm always struggling and having to be watchful too.

I'm far from perfect, and I've learned to stop expecting it. Sometimes "good enough" is truly enough... but don't fall into that trap of thinking the bare minimum will make huge advances, either. You HAVE to push yourself. You have to see how much further you can go than what your MIND thinks. Empower yourself by going further! And always be aware of what you are doing, and the impact it has (good and bad) so you can adjust your choices and actions.