Investigating Actions and Thoughts

Not sure just why I have been eating so much lately. Not always healthy, either. I'm not sure if I'm subconsciously trying to "test" my body or not. I know logically that I shouldn't eat this way, and I logically know what will happen when I do... but yet I'm not actually STOPPING the bad eating. It's like I just want to see how far I can push my body with the overeating (and still maintain) just to see where my limits are, or something. But I'm not REALLY trying to do this. It's just that I am not-watching my limits much, and then watching my scale and measurements and clothing-fitness... and seeing how things go.

Strangely enough, even with all the bad eating I've done this past month, I've still managed to maintain. That part I just don't get... though I am VERY thankful of it! I just know that I really can't keep eating this way for too long. But for some reason, it just isn't impacting me all that much like it used to.

Over-ate yesterday for sure. But things still look the same this morning. It's not like I expected to just wake up huge or anything, but maybe I expected to see something negative though. But nothing. Is this some odd self-destructive thinking I need to address? I'm not sure. I don't think so- but yet at the same time, I know I shouldn't ignore it and just eat willy-nilly without paying any attention to what foods I choose or the quantity. But I think my eating lately has been a bit emotional. Not in a self-destructive way, but more in a self-comforting way. Like I'm trying to pamper myself with some 'forbidden' foods so I wouldn't feel deprived or 'un-treated', meaning not getting those little treat rewards. (now that makes me sound like a puppy in training- lol)

Hmmm... maybe this DOES require some more thought. I just know I'm not overeating in a self-destructive way. It's more of a 'reward' system or self-comforting reason. It's just that I know those 'harmless little treats' aren't always harmless in the long run, nor are they always 'little'. And I need to explore why I'm feeling so deprived (deprived of what, even??) and using the treats to fill that space.


Water: 500 ml
Protein: chicken from a pot pie, canned salmon
Fats: omega-3 fish oil, flaxseed oil, pot pie, macaroni & cheese
Fiber: fiber/whole grain cereal
Dairy: milk
Fruits: blueberries
Veggies: peas, carrots & potato bits from a pot pie
Breads/grains: cereal, some whole-grain, breading from a pot pie, macaroni & cheese
Salty Carbs/junk:
Sweet Carbs/treats: rice krispie treat (sucks that both kids are taking turns getting sick once I made these- so now I'm the one eating them all)
Misc. beverages: coffee, red wine
Vitamins: multi, omega-3 fish oil, flaxseed oil